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HELLO AGAIN

The Fear Of Never Being Good Enough

Saturday, 11 October 2014


Do you ever have one of those days where you wish and long and for the ground to swallow you up, where you look in the mirror and over analyze your entire face, body and mind and hope that if you stare long enough at your reflection something will eventually begin to change? Do you open your blog in the hope of finding some inspiration and stare at the blank page for what seems like hours on end?

Chances are, you most probably have, and you're not alone.

This week I wrote up my October Wishlist post, and I admit, it took me a lot longer than it should have and that wasn't because there were too many products I wanted or needed... it was simply because all the things I'm really wishing for this October aren't products you can easily pick up off the shelf.

If you suffer from Atelophobia, low self esteem or one of many other issues, there are times where you just want to sit in a dark room by yourself, hug a teddy bear and block out the outside world. I've no shame in admitting that I have many of these evenings and and have spent many days wishing time away so I can sleep again and not have to face people. Which is one of the reasons why I find it that much easier to make friends online than in real life, but as you guys know - i'm working on improving my real life people skillzzz.

This week i've mostly been wishing for a thinner waist, longer hair, brighter hair, blonder hair, silver hair, a new wardrobe, those shoes i donated to a charity shop 2 years ago, whiter teeth, straighter teeth, fake teeth, new make up, all the make up, pale make up...

It's funny how just writing that led me to a moment of realization... If you stare long enough at your reflection trying to find the things you don't like, you'll never find the things you do and when I have a day, evening or week feeling that way there's one thing that I find helps me...

I close the laptop, take my make off, put my hair in a bun, change into my onesie and spend time just being me.

So what does that really mean? 

For me, it's time spent without any responsibilities or pressures. Where I don't have to think, make decisions or worry. I find that living a busy life can mean that I spent a lot of my free time thinking about things I haven't yet done, things I wish to achieve but have no time for and things I could have done better. I always seem to have constant doubts running though my mind which can make me insecure or less confident in myself and there's nothing that feel better about myself than a night of sitting around in my pants, playing video games and napping.

I often worry if i'll ever get over my fear of not being good enough, or if it's a feeling i'll always carry with me. Although on the other side, I can't help but think that what if it's my fears of failure that make me driven, ambitious, and determined...

...and without those fears, would I still have the same passions, goals and expectations? 
Em xxx

22 comments:

  1. This can be really hard to deal with but it's important to know that you're not alone. It won't always be like this but at parts of your life the idea that you'e not good enough will always come back to haunt you, it's amazing that you've found a way to at least take the edge off the pressure for yourself. This is a really inspiring post, and one that I really relate to.

    Sammy xo.

    littlefickleblog.blogspot.com

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  2. I love reading your personal posts, I can always relate so well to them xx you are beautiful and you don't need that long lost of things you can't buy on the highstreet! X

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  3. I can really relate to this and understand completely how you feel. I love your blog and you're beautiful with and without make-up! xx

    http://leahpaige9xo.blogspot.co.uk/

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  4. This was so fantastically written! I don't think you're alone in having all those fears- I can totally relate. My gut response has often been to throw in the towel in every aspect, but I've learnt this only perpetuates the cycle of feeling like I'm not succeeding. Being able to identify the triggers and knowing what makes you feel better in yourself is what's important :) Well done, great post xx

    www.beautyandthebeasts.com.au

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  5. This is such a great post and I really needed this today! I suffer too with a lot of things mentioned and it's great to know that i'm not alone. Great post. xx

    http://beyondthevelvet.blogspot.co.uk/

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  6. I can't even say how much I relate to this post and how much I have felt I'm not good enough. Not feeling good enough has made me fight to try and be something I'm not for such a long time and has resulted in me having a massive breakdown, losing my job, friends, everything including myself. I literally didn't know who I was anymore.

    But after losing everything and starting from scratch, I noticed nothing changed. I had felt if I had a great job that payed really well or lots of friends, that would make me feel good enough, but it didn't. The only way to feel good enough is to make peace with yourself, warts and all and not determine your worth on what others think is good enough or their ideals. I've got to admit that, I'm still working on this myself but I am determined to feel content and happy with who I am and where I am in my life and always feel that i am good enough.

    I hope that made sense! Lol. Great post, really has hit the nail on the head with me, loved it!

    Xx

    www.helewim.blogspot.co.uk
    Twitter - @helewim

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  7. It sounds weird to say but I really enjoy reading these types of posts. Not because you're feeling this way, but because it makes me realise I'm not alone. I feel like this often and a good relaxing evening like you described often helps! Hope you feel better sweet, such a great post

    Ashley xx

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  8. This is a great post & it's definitely something we all feel at some point.
    It's great that you can use blogging to vent a little!
    http://girlabouttown15.blogspot.co.uk/
    xx

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  9. God, I've really been feeling like this lately too, maybe lack of sleep and less time to spend on myself, but I've been feeling really meh about myself so it's good to know I'm not alone.

    Thanks for making me feel better and btw you are gorgeous!

    www.builtlikeaboss.com

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  10. Such an honest post and so beautifully written - I suspect many of us identified with your feelings - thanks for sharing x

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  11. This is the first post I've read on your blog and I immediately respect you for being honest and not putting on a show - thank you! Sharing the true moments are what bring people together. I hope you take some me-time and feel comforted by the support above! x

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  12. thank you for sharing your fears with us. it is very brave of you to do so and know that you are helping tons of people who have similar issues as you. take care, friend.

    Chie | The Brown Eyed Fox

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  13. This is just beautiful! Makes me think we're all in this together and we all have those days! Very inspiring :) but you're stunning either way xx

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  14. This is so relatable, and I imagine it is to many girls out there. I always find that stepping away from the mirror, pouring a big glass of wine and watching The Breakfast Club always does the trick at making me feel better!!

    http://becloumar.blogspot.co.uk/

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  15. I loved this, I think we all have feelings of insecurity and we all doubt ourselves, but some of us do it to a much larger extent. I found this really relatable, and want to thank you for being so honest and sharing your feelings with us. I was diagnosed with an incurable chronic illness in 2012 and since then, I've struggled with feeling like my life isn't going in the direction I thought it would and constantly being held back by a disability that I have no control over is really challenging. This post made me realise that I shouldn't be so hard on myself when I can't do the things I used to be able to do, and to just make the best of a bad situation without beating myself up.

    Being kind to ourselves is really important! One of my doctors tells me to treat myself like a young child - for example, if a six-year-old messed something up or failed at something you wouldn't tell them off, you'd just encourage them and tell them that as long as they're doing their best, that's all that matters. We can be so tough on ourselves but we should be satisfied with our 'best'. Great post, Em - well done!

    Meg at Meg Says

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  16. Beautiful post. In all honesty, you probably wouldn't be where you are now if you didn't have those fears of failure. Although it can be frustrating, I think it's more of a blessing than a curse. Thank you for sharing, I think everyone can relate on some level.

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  17. Thankyou! You don't know how much I needed somebody else to express these feelings... You are so pretty, but I know exactly how it feels to be so unbelievably conscious of insecurities and how sometimes everything else needs to be put to one side. Carry on, because you are such an inspiration.
    Lucy x
    http://from-fashion-to-fiction.blogspot.co.uk

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  18. Really love this post, it's comforting to know other people feel this aswell.

    Jess xx
    www.jessiedolly.wordpress.com

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  19. Lovely post, I understand how you feel about self esteem. These are the things people never really talk about and you are brave to write this post. I think in today's world we get sucked into thinking the pictures on blogs and on other sites are the exact reputation of someones life and it isnt, far from it. But we still get sucked in and it does knock our confidence.
    Next time you look in the mirror and think off all the things you dont like, stop, think about the one thing you love about yourself and concentrate on looking at that because thatll help you :)

    I think you have lovely eyes, the shape is pretty and your eyebrows are lush x

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  20. this is a beautiful post, I'm sure lots of girls are in the same boat, and like you are making decisions to blog and meet people similiar to them online because its easy and a welcoming feeling.. sometimes online is better than real life and thats okay, we're all still young, I guess we do get sucked into the stereotypically reality of what is expected of us, but trust me a lot more people out there understand what you're going through, you're not alone. xx

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  21. I relate very much to this post, you are spot on! Thanks so much for sharing this beautiful message. Much love <3

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